Sunday, April 29, 2012

A little heartbreak today...

I got a little taste of what so many Mama's that have gone before me went through. Today at our visit the orphanage was a buzz with people! There were several local families visiting their "perfect" soon to be adopted children. There were also many children with their nannies out playing in their groupa. It was a beautiful day and for the first hour of the visit, life in our tiny world with our amazing little princess was absolutely dreamy. My happy bubble was quickly popped when this precious baby boy in nothing more than his underwear came over to us. He was COVERED in bug bites and scratches all over his poor little body. What came next will truly haunt me forever. He put his tiny hand gently on my knee, looked into my eyes and asked, "Mama?" I've escaped this heartache for three weeks and I so wish (selfishly) that I escaped it forever:( Lee actually caught the exact moment on camera and it's a good thing that my face wasn't in the picture because I was sobbing...


I don't know his name or even why he's been left alone in this cruel world but his beautiful face and his angelic voice is forever embedded in my soul... He knew why we were there. He may be only 3 years old but he knew that we were there to be Olya's Mama and Papa and not his. Look at the complete sadness in his face!!I am having such difficulty processing all this grief, imagine what this sweet boy goes through every day that goes by and no one comes to visit him, to hold him, to love him... I'm devastated tonight.

Don't get me wrong this orphanage is a beautiful place filled with amazing people that love these children, but they can only give so much. I know that They feel the inadequacy of this place and I admire their strength. It must take a whole lot of faith to be able to walk out of there every night and forget.




Let's hope they don't forget.....

A few more shots of some of the other children we encountered today:


We came across this baby on our walk today. Although he's not a baby.... He's probably 2 or 3. Hard to tell, but as we walked by his eyes followed us. He couldn't move his head... I have a closer picture but I can't bring myself to post it.








In a window looking out:(


Okay now for a few pictures from our happier times today! Olya was a different baby today. Happy, chatty girl!!!














Pinching Daddy!


She's grown just since we've been visiting her. Incredible what love can do!


Sweet baby girl!!!


Goodnight!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

14 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness....I KNOW this post all too well. It's haunting. It's so incredibly hard. But you are doing your part and throwing your stone into the pool and the ripples will follow. And your Olivia?!?! She has totally transformed in such a short time. AMAZING!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beth, I think the little boy that called you "Mama" is the "Crying Boy" from the pictures the Bittermanns took at Christmas. He's a doll, I love him.

      Delete
  2. Wow!! Those pictures just break my heart! Your baby girl looks AMAZING! Are any of the kids you posted about listed on RR?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Beth...breaks my heart, completely. The fact that this little boy COMPLETELY understands what is going on is what totally devastates me. Terrible.

    And look at that Judah-boy! And those skinny little legs!! Amazing to think that HIS time is coming so very soon!!

    Your girl is so beautiful. She's a NEW creation, for sure!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Olivia is beautiful! That little boy breaks my heart. Well they all do, but goodness. Having him come up to you like that, just gut wrenching. Prayers for you, and of course all the kiddos.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful daughter you have but I feel the sadness, too.
    Joy

    ReplyDelete
  6. I' m holding my tearsas I'm in a cafe...; can that sweet child be adopted by foreign families?. Livvy has lots of reasons to be happy and it seems she knows she already has a Papa and a Mama and a family that will love her forever, but my heart aches for all those poor children still waiting for their loving families they really deserve. I wish I could adopt him and give him the life he deserves here in Spain. Love seeing Livvy's pictures. You know it, but need to say it: she's one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh my!!! literally i could sob for a lifetime just over this post alone!!!! his eyes are truly haunting! why oh why are there not new people every day flooding into our reece's rainbow world to join the army for orphans! it tears my heart out daily! xxxxxxhugs to you xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh that boy breaks my heart. They all do but sometimes there is a photo that just encapsulates the ENTIRETY and the ENORMITY of what these children are going through and you can see it all there in his eyes. Bless his little soul, I hope his Mama comes soon!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would feel the same way...I'd probably cry everynight! I love that little hat on Livvy...it's so girly!! Take care, and I'll pray for a brave heart for you, and I always pray for the kids anyway. HUGS <3

    ReplyDelete
  10. Beth, do you mind if I repost this on Lily's blog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you kidding Patti??? I'd be honored!

      Delete
  11. okay, consider this post snagged :):) I hope it causes LOTS of ripples !!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So proud of you Beth! Thank you for sharing. I am sure your message will touch others to be saved. Thank you for embarking on this journey. I was at Chick-fil-a and thought of you and your husband last night :) Can't wait to see you again!

    ReplyDelete